Ummer loving

i just realized that without the comma in that title, it takes on an entirely different meaning. remember the comma.

(warning: the following post contains high levels of self-loathing, and concurrently low levels of humor. read on only if you must)

you know that whole quasi-myth about the highest percentage of suicides taking place during the holiday season? people say that as a result of the stress of the holidays, the tradition of taking stock of one's life at the end of a calendar year, and especially the weather lead people to extremes that they wouldn't ordinarily reach.

apparently, i'm the opposite.

i will tell anyone who will listen about how i hate the summer, about how summer contains nothing but bad memories for me (a stretch, but definitely close to the mark). i mean sure, the weather in and of itself is enough for me to lock myself in a dark, cold closet for several months. but there's just something about summer and its inevitable lead-in to the paradox of couple-hood (the majority of weddings apparently take place during the summer months, for reasons that still escape me) and aloneness (since--as far as i can tell--the most moves happen during the summer). oddly, both of those things depress the hell out of me.

why am i writing about this now, a couple of weeks after the official start of summer and definitely a long while after the weather has gotten hot? well, for some reason, the typical summer blues didn't decide to set in until about an hour and a half ago for me. i don't know what exactly triggered it. my attendance at the pedro the lion show last night (pedro the lion being a musical reminder of some good, but many bad moments in my life the past few years)? the digital photos (showing a new haircut) of a past girlfriend in my e-mail inbox this evening? the fireworks crackling outside my window? what i ate for dinner (chimichangas and potato chips--fuck healthy right now)? the impending marriages of a past friend and a brother? i don't honestly know.

all i do know is that it's going to be a long summer.

either that, or you can check back in a few days and i'll be back to normal. your guess is as good as mine. right now i have some songs: ohia to listen to.